Somewhere a tree is naked
Because you’ve fallen to the ground.
You and your sisters –
Red and orange and gold and brown,
A flaming pyre,
Burning higher,
As you whirl around,
Blown down.
Five points,
A fallen star.
You have veins so you must bleed too.
You were alive,
But now you’re dying like your sisters are.
Your spine,
Your stem is bent over backwards.
My poor little hunchback–
You do not lie flat anymore.
The brown spots that cause you so much pain,
The small, arthritic dots,
They spread.
From your heart, your soul,
Through your veins of bright autumn fire,
All the way to the tips of your fingers,
They consume you.
They spread and spread and spread –
Until, my friend,
You are dead.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Elegy
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4 comments:
Dammit, Ariella, you basically wrote all the things I would have written about my leaf--death, colors resembling fire, etc. I particularly like how you depicted the little speckles looking like signs of the plague. Despite how the language depicts the anatomy of the leaf, it never gets too science-y either.
Call it funny/stupid, but for a moment after reading "a fallen star," I for some reason equated it to getting "five points," or a gold star in that manner. Fail on my part.
Nothing I'd question/change for the time being. I loooooved it.
This poem is now called "Elegy" instead of "Eulogy", but I can't figure out how to actually edit the post.
I LOVE:
A flaming pyre
Five points,/A fallen star./You have veins so you must bleed too (basically that whole stanza)
It makes the death of the leaf heartbreaking...and I love how you address the leaf.
You might want to consider using a different word from "veins" in the second-to-last stanza, so it has more power earlier...but this is one of your best poems (that I've read)!! :D
P.S. This is horrible, but in the second-to-last line, I thought of John McCain..."my friends"...THE POEM IS STILL AMAZING THOUGH!
wow.
amazing poem, Ariella! I loved the personification, and calling the tree a hunchback...such vivid imagery! brilliant.
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