Loving Me Loving You

I was placed by your bedside at about one day and thirteen hours from your arrival

They brought me to put a smile on your face.

My welcoming eyes, big white fur and mysterious smile was supposed to clear away all those tears that shed from your eyes like rain drops.

The miracle to my understanding was that it did.

It did help clear away the dark clouds.

I was Achilles when it came to fighting away monsters.

You held me tight and chanted a mantra… “as long as you’re here, no one can hurt me”

I was there with you when you peaked into a hole in your parent’s bedroom door and watched your mother getting ready for a party- putting on her newly bought silver and red flapper dress.

We danced together when you were tall enough to reach the gramophone record to play Louis Armstrong’s “Ain’t Misbehavin”.

You needed me just as much as I needed you.

Then you grew older- pushing and shoving from each side of your body.

It was as if a tsunami had hit your room, all your fury creatures that were once important to you took a back seat.

I was thrown into the darkness in a corner of your house that you didn’t even know was there- stories below from where I used to live.

You left me as if I had leprosy.

Everything was replaced with makeup, posters of dirty idols and villains like Fred Astaire and Greta Garbo.

The sight of you cherishing those worthless things- burnt my eyes like acid.

You hadn’t the care in the world about what financial crises your parents were going through.

All you cared about was getting what you wanted.

Where they the ones you held with your sticky lollipop hands?

That same gramophone that you used to play the tunes we once danced to, now played “Puttin On The Ritz”.

But don’t worry, I said to myself… My day will come again.

And it did.

You are now old- your face has wrinkled like a dried up leaf and your hair has turned silver as if the moon is playing hide-and-go-seek in it.

You walk yourself down to that same dark place- the place where you had left me.

All of a sudden you see something lying there in a corner- lifeless but full of memory.

I am right where you had left me- leaning on one side placed right next to that same old gramophone record except now instead of being white as snow, I am light grey.

You pick me up and brush the dust off me-

In your old age you are so caught up with new advances like computers that you never really had a chance to make a trip down here.

But now that all of it threatens the world you live in, you turn to find comfort in me.

You finally realize that I am your only connection to your past.

Since you are near the end of your life, you reflect back on the beginning. And every time you do that, you see me.