Best Time of Year

Bright lights everywhere, people are merry, houses are lit, trees are decorated. The smell of homemade cookies as i tie my shoe laces. Bells ring loudly, people laugh and cheer. Late night shopping, crackers popping,vibrant wrapping paper and shiny green ribbons. Peppermint hot chocolate, a giant red santa clause, carol singers at the door. An angel is silently watching over me.

Dear Deary,

Dear Deary,

It is not often that we get to communicate in such a manner. But today is a special day, and a special day without you is not as special as special should be. I miss you. All my life I remember you there even though we only met in High School. Do you remember that fateful first frosty day when I fell? You picked me up and said “I will always be there to catch you when you fall”… and you have been.

I wish to thank you for this.

Your always there when I need you. You understand me better then I understand myself, considering that no one has ever understood me the way you have, do and always will. I admire the way you look at me when I have just said something absolutely absurd. That look… that breath taking look of deception that deceives me into believing that what I have said is most definitely the best thing you have ever heard.

Basically, there are no words to describe the way I feel about you except for this

one…

With you always, since then, now and forever.

SKY

In the sky I see clouds
Sometimes they are blue sometimes grey
But all the time it looks beautiful
In the sky I want to be
A bird and fly away from this world

In the sky I see stars which are so bright
In the sky I want to be the moon and shine my light
In the sky I see a cloud to make my day
In the sky I see freedom

Colorless

Hello.

You promiscuous bastard,

You’re the shit face that is ruining my existence.

You are the mistake that your parents did- the junior prom baby.

And you toss me into that same shithole as well.

You hardly knew my mommy before banging half her life away.

Then you find out,

You get hit so unexpectedly- like a deer in head lights.

After you find out that she is carrying the fruits of your labor, you vanish into the mists of the night without a trace.

You come to her and instead of comforting her, you sing a happy little song…

“Ya bitch, ya better get rid of that disaster livin in ya,

Ya’re the reason all this happened,

If ya wasn’t such a slut goin around wastin yaself, maybe we would not have to deal with all this,

Ya Ho!”

Oh Oh, but you thought,

You thought I couldn’t hear you, layered up in my mommy’s womb.

But I did.

And it hurt.

Because of you, my childhood is wasted.

I have grown up before my time,

I have to take care of my mommy because no one else will.

Because of people like you, people like me get frowned upon in this world.

Well, I have to go…

I’m late for my first day of kindergarten, you know.

So when you’re ready to be less of a jackass,

Come find me and maybe then you’ll realize,

I have a heart,

And unlike you

I don’t bleed blue blood.

Loving Me Loving You

I was placed by your bedside at about one day and thirteen hours from your arrival

They brought me to put a smile on your face.

My welcoming eyes, big white fur and mysterious smile was supposed to clear away all those tears that shed from your eyes like rain drops.

The miracle to my understanding was that it did.

It did help clear away the dark clouds.

I was Achilles when it came to fighting away monsters.

You held me tight and chanted a mantra… “as long as you’re here, no one can hurt me”

I was there with you when you peaked into a hole in your parent’s bedroom door and watched your mother getting ready for a party- putting on her newly bought silver and red flapper dress.

We danced together when you were tall enough to reach the gramophone record to play Louis Armstrong’s “Ain’t Misbehavin”.

You needed me just as much as I needed you.

Then you grew older- pushing and shoving from each side of your body.

It was as if a tsunami had hit your room, all your fury creatures that were once important to you took a back seat.

I was thrown into the darkness in a corner of your house that you didn’t even know was there- stories below from where I used to live.

You left me as if I had leprosy.

Everything was replaced with makeup, posters of dirty idols and villains like Fred Astaire and Greta Garbo.

The sight of you cherishing those worthless things- burnt my eyes like acid.

You hadn’t the care in the world about what financial crises your parents were going through.

All you cared about was getting what you wanted.

Where they the ones you held with your sticky lollipop hands?

That same gramophone that you used to play the tunes we once danced to, now played “Puttin On The Ritz”.

But don’t worry, I said to myself… My day will come again.

And it did.

You are now old- your face has wrinkled like a dried up leaf and your hair has turned silver as if the moon is playing hide-and-go-seek in it.

You walk yourself down to that same dark place- the place where you had left me.

All of a sudden you see something lying there in a corner- lifeless but full of memory.

I am right where you had left me- leaning on one side placed right next to that same old gramophone record except now instead of being white as snow, I am light grey.

You pick me up and brush the dust off me-

In your old age you are so caught up with new advances like computers that you never really had a chance to make a trip down here.

But now that all of it threatens the world you live in, you turn to find comfort in me.

You finally realize that I am your only connection to your past.

Since you are near the end of your life, you reflect back on the beginning. And every time you do that, you see me.

Why me?

I was born to a man.
Why me?
One who is selfish and ungrateful.
Why me?
I was only two, when he said I’m going to work and never came back.
Why me?
I learned to ride a bike and throw a ball, you left me on my own.
Why me?
I became man of the house, you left me on my own.
Why me?
I took care of Mom, you left me on my own.
Why me?
I went to work, you left me on my own.
Why me?
I learned to drive, you left me on my own.
Why me?
I became a man, you left me own my own.
Why me?
Because of you, I am strong enough to be me.

To the man who says he’s my father,
Screw you Dad, thanks to you, I made it on my own.
Good for me.

My best friend, My worst enemy.

At eleven, my parents and teachers convinced my they were my worst enemy.
At twelve, they became the Lord Voldermort of my household; no one dare spoke of them.
At thirteen, I watched my brother search his room far and wide for places to hide them.

At fourteen, they were something I just tried at a party, just to be like all the others.
At fifteen, what had first been called my worst enemy was slowly becoming my best friend.
At sixteen, half of every paycheck earned was spent on my best friend.
At seventeen, my best friend became more important than my girlfriend, which she didn't like.
At eighteen, I was spending so much time with my best friend, I forgot to graduate.
At nineteen, my best friend got me kicked out of my house, but I did not care.

At twenty one, I took my friend to every bar and sold pieces of him to pay my bills.
At twenty two, my best friend acted as my wing man, he landed me a woman I would call my wife.
At twenty three, we were sharing my best friend, and forgot all about protection.
At twenty four, I thought having a son meant saying goodbye to my long time friend which did not happen.

At thirty five, I tried to convince my son that my best friend was his worst enemy.
At thirty eight, my son decided to take a ride home with my best friend in hand.
At thirty nine, my best friend took my only sons life.
At forty, in the suicide note, I found myself referring to my best friend of twenty six years as my worst enemy.